I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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