My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
