Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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