I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
