there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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