Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're like the curious george of whores
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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