if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
