he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
