i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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