i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
