I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
