they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
