I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
