Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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