11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
