Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
