your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fill condoms, not promises.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
