I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You work out of a Hotel?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
