It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
