shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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