I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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