I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
