Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
