My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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