I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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