Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
