Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
