yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
