Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
