Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
