Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
