Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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