I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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