am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
