He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
