He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
People in love make me want to vomit
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
