like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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