It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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