On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
