I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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