just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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