Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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