You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
