new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
