so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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