you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
