Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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