Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
