Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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