Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
