I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
