Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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