Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
operation have a gay friend backfired
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
