I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
