just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
