My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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