Someone shit on the floor
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
