someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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