they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
