FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
