omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
