We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
