yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
