craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
