officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
