So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
