I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
