you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
